As mentioned in previous posts I've been taking time to do some grief work only to find this process escorting me into another related area referred to as "re-parenting the inner child" -- oddly enough an area I seriously hadn't considered before.
I've been coming to see how some beliefs can whirl around in the same muddy puddle. I never realized how much power subconscious beliefs could have to keep one helpless and devoid of life.
For example, somewhere in my childhood I learned it's perfectly okay for others to use coercion and equally okay for me to submit to it without objection. My ex-wife did not hesitate to impose her will on me in this manner. She did it openly and routinely, it passed through my detector system without raising any red flags.
My ex-wife deemed it her duty to coerce me to socialize even when I had no such desire. Rather than honoring my introverted nature (a nature that can handle only so much small talk or social interaction), she knew which buttons to push in order to shame me into submission. It was as if extroversion was the only permissible manifestation possible. I'm not exactly an introvert either, but an ambivert. This means I manifest bursts of extroversion, but then need solitude to recharge.
To be anything less than oneself only stifles our sense of vitality. Wearing a mask drains emotional energy and eventually all sense of spontaneity becomes eroded. My ex-wife knew I was too compliant to contradict her. Rather than risk any nasty squabbles I constantly yielded to her demands. This placed me in a long term acting role where I feigned presence or enjoyment. After applying said measures, she’d later ask me why I looked so down or so distant. She used the same oppressive tactic whenever I showed any signs of wanting to go to bed at a decent hour (say 9:30 p.m.).
I stumbled onto an article that relates to this subject. The author not only has some empowering strategies, he is wise enough to understand some goals require extensive training and therefore shouldn’t be executed in one blow. We need to slowly condition ourselves the same way athletes condition their bodies. Here is an excerpt of one of his best recommendations.
-- Refle
"No matter how difficult it may seem, make the choice to live consciously. Do not succumb to that half-conscious realm of fear-based thinking, filling your life with distractions to avoid facing what you feel in those silent spaces between your thoughts. Either exercise your human endowment of courage and progressively build the strength to face your deepest, darkest fears to live as the powerful being you truly are, or admit your fears are too much for you, and embrace life as a mouse. But make this choice consciously and with full awareness of its consequences. If you are going to allow fear to win the battle for your life, then proclaim it the victor and forfeit the match. If you simply avoid living consciously and courageously, then that is equivalent to giving up on life itself, where your continued existence becomes little more than a waiting period before physical death - the nothing as opposed to the daring adventure." -- Steve Pavlina
Note: Steve Pavlina is an independent thinker with lots of fresh ideas. He has taught me some valuable ideas about being direct, courageous and to challenge conventialty with its self-limiting However, I want to make it clear I do not endorse his ideas about religion nor anything about open "love relationships".
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