Sunday, March 13, 2011

givers and takers

Givers tend to fall into the hands of takers. It makes sense. Exploitative folks cannot implement their tactics on individuals similar in kind. While the strategies may vary, the one common denominator of takers fits this lamentable yet true description:

takers and givers

A pastor friend said givers seek to resolve conflicts without causing upset. They attempt to back away from toxic situations using discretion. He explained how useless this is when dealing with manipulators. Put bluntly — there’s no friendly way to get away. Furthermore (the pastor friend concluded) givers need to accept they may even be labelled the bad guy.

~ intuitivefeeling



OneAngryDaughter said...

Thank you for your perspective. I could really relate to "He said givers want to resolve every conflict without causing upset or being intrusive. They seek to withdraw from toxic situations using discretion which is useless when dealing with manipulative types. The giver needs to realize there’s no friendly way to free himself. He needs to accept that no matter what, he will be labelled the bad guy." I think that I complied so much in my past because I always wanted to be included and never the bad guy. Now I don't care about that label - I have to choose what is healthy and if some think I'm a bad guy so be it.

I like the Alice Miller quote too.

I'm sorry to hear you are in such a difficult situation with MDM and I hope it resolves to something more comfortable soon. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, keeping your boundaries strong.

Reflector said...


Yes, being the bad guy means putting up with some pretty uncomfortable feelings at first, but then you get accustomed.

Thanks for your thoughtful words regarding the situation with MDM. Another 7 more days and this chapter will be over. DD and MDM will be moving to a new apartment.