Inadequacy has been an unsolicited companion since childhood. Actually, I viewed her as a permanent resident. I even used to have recurrent dreams where it took center stage. There were several scenarios yet all of them produced somewhat the same sensation: Sometimes I'd be preaching before a congregation I never had seen, however, I didn't have a Bible with me and couldn't remember the text I was to preach from.
Sometimes I'd find myself in a park area I had never been to before where I was wearing only pyjamas, yet had to make my way past the police that surrounded the area to get back home.
Sometimes I'd be in an unfamiliar High School writing a math exam having no idea how to answer the unintelligible equations that were staring me in the face. Sometimes I’d be involved in hockey (as a youth) but hadn’t brought the appropriate equipment so I'd have to sit on the sideline and just watch.
When I used to have these dreams I could feel the tension go through my whole body, I’d sweat only to later realize it was just a dream, but a dream that revealed so much about my emotional/psychological makeup.
Don Miller, a Christian writer, writes about this same tendency. He describes how he tends to second guess himself about too many things… whether or not his ideas are right … whether or not people like him… whether he will get married or not …whether his future girl will leave him if he does marry… whether his car is fashionable enough, … and whether he sounds like an idiot when he speaks in public.
How about you? Do you suffer from inadequacy?
© Reflector 2008