The underlying motivation that drives me is intimacy looking for connection - sharing rich, satisfying, deep emotions. I enjoy dedicating time, effort, and typically inconveniencing myself to order to develop and maintain meaningful relationships. This need to connect, to be understood and to be accepted, especially applies to significant others.
Also, everything I do tends to be quality-based, or I prefer not to do it at all. I am loyal to friends, employers, colleagues, and above all to my significant other. As one author put it, whomever I tend to ¨commit to¨ happens to be/become my ¨sole (and soul) focus¨. I enjoy serving and giving freely in order to nurture or encourage others.
I don’t know if this area is a strong point or weak…I also tend to be overprotective. My code of ethics is strong and I expect others (not only my partner and those closest to me, but everyone) to live honest, committed lives. I enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation with my partner as well as remembering special life events (e.g. birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, etc.,).
I have that natural ability to make people feel important. I tend to be selfless, and my first thought is "how will this affect others?" When planning something such as an anniversary dinner or a birthday party, I detest to go through the same old routine that everyone else does. I have a flair for the creative and I have a sense of how to create an ambiance by adding special touches that I know will be just right for the occasion. For example, I might have personalized gifts that I have sculpted or painted or you might recreate something meaningful that happened previously in your relationship. I enjoy making even ordinary things extra special and endearing.
The areas where I need improvement: I tend to be overly guilt-prone, and so if I’m doing things that to me don’t seem purposeful, I feel guilty about it. I tend to require a justifiable reason to just play and enjoy life - which usually defeats the purpose and makes it feel unnatural or forced to others in your life. My tendency is to be high-strung, and I need to learn to relax and enjoy life.
I’m sensitive, and by default, usually too tactful… I don’t want to hurt anyone. I’m so tactful that I replay conversations (yea that eternal debate) in my head over and over and over. I spend ages beating myself up about things I've said or should have said or done when I can't change any of it. Many people speak their mind all the time and don't think twice about it. The problem is that if I don’t create enough space for myself, I sometimes get overwhelmed by too much interpersonal contact that in given moment I overreact about something insignificant at the time, but which has been building up.
© Troubled Reflector 2007
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