Monday, July 10, 2006

Only ONE single emotional tie...

“…when one is dependent on a single emotional tie as a primary source of well-being, that connection comes to be so highly valued as to seem essential to one’s existence.” -- Carl G. Hindy

As an artist discovery means avoiding preconceived ideas about where things are going or how they may unfold.  Whether I'm working on a project, art work, poem, humoristic piece of writing, friendship or love, I seek to be tentative... keeping a cool head…letting events unfold naturally on their own. It’s what gives life an unexpected element.

However, having said that, I have also had to learn to define what kind of discovery is healthy and what produces over-stimulation. When I returned to the world as a single man I came so ill-equipped in the area of romancing.

One author says the best way to predict a person's anxiety is to measure the love difference -- that is, how much the person loves the partner versus how much the person is loved in return. The greater the disparity between the emotional investment the more anxious he or she is likely to feel. Here the principle of least interest comes into play ... namely the partner in a romantic relationship who has less interest in the other person has more power.

Another element the book looks at is the level of consistency in one's potential partner. Consistency is the characteristic that tells the most about whether a compliant person experiences romantic anxiety.  The more consistent the partner, the less anxiety -- the less consistent – well you know…

According to Carl Hindy, ¨The attractive but emotionally fickle partner is likely to have the greatest power to wreak havoc with your love life¨.  Another way toward anxiety according to Hindy can happen by creating an inconsistent partner .... is to give so much of oneself that one is inevitably disappointed with what the partner gives in return.

Hindy insightfully points out, ¨One feels a lack of reciprocity, not because the partner gives too little, but because one's own level of commitment is so unrealistically high as to leave one open to frustration and feelings of rejection. One's perception of the partner as inconsistent thus stems from a need for very strong and clear expressions of affection that no partner can consistently provide.¨

© intuitivefeeling


Carl Hindy said...

I just came upon your post and am pleased that these ideas were helpful. As psychologists we spend so much time looking into the person to understand his or her reactions. Yet it's really the very complicated **interaction** of two personalities. Understanding the other person is nearly as important (sometimes more!) than understanding yourself.

vincenzofrancesco said...

Hello Carl Hindy, Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. It was written almost seven years ago and almost feel embarrassed at the inconsistencies of my writing back then.