“I learned that experiences and circumstances do NOT define who or what I am but rather give me the opportunity to discover my true character when faced with challenges.” -- Shari Alyse
“Our likings are regulated by our circumstances. The artist prefers a hilly country because it is picturesque; the engineer a flat one because it is convenient; the man of pleasure likes what he calls “a fine woman”—she suits him; the fashionable young gentleman admires the fashionable young lady—she is of his kind; the toil-worn, fagged, probably irritable tutor, blind almost to beauty, insensible to airs and graces, glories chiefly in certain mental qualities: application, love of knowledge, natural capacity, docility, truthfulness, gratefulness, are the charms that attract his notice and win his regard. These he seeks, but seldom meets; these, if by chance he finds, he would fain retain forever, and when separation deprives him of them he feels as if some ruthless hand had snatched from him his only ewe-lamb.” – Charlotte Bronte
“Don’t shift your life for anyone”
The above maxim sounds like wise advice, yet as a codependent person staying in charge is easier said than done. We know the stronger we are as individuals, the stronger our relationships with others, yet how can we coming from a codependent background?
We’re born into a cold world. It does not consult us nor adapt to our preferences. It assumes a posture of either judgment, rejection, competition, envy and/or indifference. These insular traits are hardly questioned, yet alas...
Jesus expressed the inhospitable nature of life when he described the multitudes. He said they were like sheep without a shepherd. If we let that sink in, it describes a pretty lonely, desolate picture of souls disconnected from care and nurture.
If companionship offers some kind of relief to the otherwise harsh reality, some re-parenting is needed before the codependent personality can enjoy it. To that person, companionship is defined as the all encompassing motive of life upon which all else hangs.
For this reason, some of us need to build a base of independence before venturing into intimate relationships, because we either tend to lose ourselves or be too controlling otherwise. I like the idea of having one or two spiritual running buddies. This is an excellent metaphor to describe friends who meet or write each other intentionally to share about their spiritual journey. For example, you can begin by tackling questions like the one below:
Sonya Boesse, a life coach asks,
“Tell me how you practice "getting out of your own way"?
What are your strategies to get you unstuck from a fear based reality?”
-- Refle
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