“Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace. God is awake.”
“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”
“It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live.”
“You who suffer because you love, love still more. To die of love, is to live by it.” “To love or have loved, that is enough. Ask nothing further. There is no other pearl to be found in the dark folds of life.”
― Victor Hugo
While rollerblading on Saturday, I got entangled with a small boy. As we fell I stiffened my body and extended my arm making my body a bridge to avoid crushing him underneath me. As a result my weight fell on my left wrist and straightway I could feel the undeniable sting of a dislocated fractured something.
In my host country it takes time to get anything done and more so when it comes to medical attention. I was transferred from one place to another, so that one clinic and two hospitals later, the doctors got my arm reassembled and gessoed. With the swelling, the heavy cast seizes me like a vice grip.
I realize how in an instant a lifestyle can be changed... For 6 weeks I'll be typing with only one hand. The accident also forces me to change vacation plans as I cannot enjoy the usual sport activities of the dry season. Fortunately, it was my left hand that fractured so I'm able to continue driving with a stick shift.
I seek as usual, to see the silverlining in every set back. Since moving on from a destructive relationship, I tend to be too careful now. Skate dancing has been a somewhat symbolic form of my desire to break out of my fear. Taking risks is scary when all you've known is disorder. For those of us who have lived the blackhole existence of trying to make sense of a disordered individual, we go from one extreme to the other -- either we over-protect ourselves or move out on a ledge of a skyscraper. No in-between place. The hole in the center of my being is there for all to see. There's a certain tremor in the voice -- a low tolerance for disruptive behavior and an apprehension toward social interaction. Most people perceive it as deficiency of character. Few look on with eyes of compassion.
Nevertheless, my desire is to become a more compassionate person amid the social upheaval and uncertainty -- to judge less and love more.
-- Reflector
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