Over-Excitability

“The future has several names. For the weak, it is impossible; for the fainthearted, it is unknown; but for the valiant, it is ideal.”

 ~ Victor Hugo

I have always had problems being on edge, especially at work or in new situations. Therapists say this is the result of childhood trauma.  Loud voices or disruptive behaviors trigger acute apprehension. Oppressive vibes especially get to me. I enter a state of over-excitability where confusion and disorientation spill over. My body goes into a fight or flight mode. I get a huge rush of adrenalin running through my system. My tone of voice becomes uninflected. My pulse begins to shake.

Though outwardly I may only appear somewhat dismayed or off balance, inwardly I’m shaken to the core. These episodes leave me depleted and fatigued with my head throbbing. My stomach tightens into a ball. By late afternoon, I need to retreat to my apartment to recuperate the entire evening.

Although I believe in homeopathic treatment, exercise, counseling and adhering to a healthy diet, nothing heals like love. I know it sounds cliché. However, without love, my hyper-vigilant condition overwhelms me. It imposes heavy restrictions upon my social interactions and activities. I keep active but only on a small scale or a slower track.

Love is what keeps me together when I'm falling apart. I speak not necessarily of romantic love, but something more transcendent. You can find it in the least expected places. For example, some classic literature overflows with this healing ooze.  In its subtlety, it's a universal language.  Like sails of a ship, the winds of love fill our soul. It's no coincidence we come back for more.

~ Reflector